Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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