brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
