He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
