i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
