I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
