i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
