I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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