I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
