wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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