HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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