i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
