I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
