the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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