Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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