yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
