so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
