Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
