(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
