I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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