Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
