I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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