I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
