My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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