She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
