If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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