im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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