I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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