i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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