??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
