i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
