Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Everything about him screamed your future.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
