PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
