Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
