i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
