So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
