When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
