My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
