Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i have herpe
just one?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
