I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
