Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
