I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
