He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
operation harelip BJ is a go
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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