Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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