so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
