i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
