Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
