your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
