I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
