Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
