We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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