She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
