I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
